1-Year Home: Reflections & Regression

November started with Ladybug’s teachers telling me that she is crying in class again - especially when Ladybug perceives that someone took her spot or told her “no”.  The teachers suggested it was because Ladybug has been home for about one year.  I hadn’t noticed Ladybug acting differently at home until a couple weeks later when she started crying a lot and acting anxious. 

It’s no secret that our first few months home were traumatic for everyone.  At the slightest sign of Ladybug’s regression towards her homecoming behaviors, I called our attachment therapist:).   I learned that it’s normal for adopted kids to have anxiety at the 1-year milestone, but the Christmas decorations were probably what put Ladybug over the edge, since when she came home last year we put up Christmas decorations only a couple weeks later.  While Ladybug loves the Christmas lights, the decorations subconsciously remind her of the transition home.  The good news is that while Christmas may trigger anxieties in the future, it will happen less and less as Ladybug attaches to her family.

We have learned a lot since starting the adoption process almost two years ago.  We have seen miracles and been through the valleys.  James 1:27 is often quoted among adoption advocates, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world”.  The distress doesn’t stop once an orphan is removed from an orphanage.  The truth is that we are caring for a little girl who is frequently “in distress” and being around her can be distressing.   It is not only Ladybug who is becoming a new creation through adoption, as parents we have had our stubborn stony hearts become tender and responsive (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT).  The past year has shown that Ladybug is resilient.  We often marvel at her capacity to love and learn especially after being emotionally neglected during the first three years of her life.   Ladybug, like other orphaned children, is valuable, precious, and worth all the unknowns that come with adoption.  

Happy Birthday Ladybug!

Ladybug recently turned four.  We had a small party with a big balloon to celebrate her special day.  I clearly remember last year when we sent her a birthday cake at the orphanage.  We anxiously waited for photos and once we received them we analyzed every detail looking for clues to her personality.  Last year's photos only showed us a hungry little girl.

This year, we see a beautiful sparkle and a happy little girl!

Six Months!!!

We are nearing the six month mark with Ladybug.  Her growth has been incredible.  Physically, she has gained 3.5 pounds and 4.5 inches.  She wears her prosthetic eye without complaining.

In just this past month, it feels like Ladybug has let her guard down and is trying to connect.  A few times a day she will come to me and say “My Mama” then give me a big hug.  She stays pretty close to me in public and is not trying to get the attention of strangers as often.

Ladybug enjoys learning at school and can recognize some letters.  However, school is a little stressful for her as the teachers reported that she sometimes cries during the school day and can be uncooperative.  Now that I know her better, I realize that when she is feeling stress she responds by crying or shutting down (which looks like being stubborn).  The other day, Ladybug asked to nap after school.  Her request was huge because it shows that she is learning how to recognize what her body needs.    

When Ladybug was tested at the schools, they pointed out that her play was like an 18-month old because she basically took toys out of baskets and then put them back in the baskets.  Now she is starting to use her imagination and pretends to talk on the phone, act like a doggy, or make cookies.

The other day she kicked over one of Buddy’s toys and when I told her that wasn’t nice, she said “Sorry Buddy” without my prompting.  These examples probably seem like minor incidents, but they give us great hope for her!

Just six months ago Ladybug was running wild in the White Swan Play Room:

Today, she is blossoming into a beautiful, sweet, and kind little girl.

Last Step

We went to court and Ladybug's adoption is now recognized by the State of Colorado.  We should be getting her birth certificate in the next couple months.  

Part of our routine is that while Sweetie is at preschool and Buddy is napping, Ladybug will watch "People's Court" with me.  It's "down time" for her as she sits on my lap and snuggles with me during the show.  Apparently People's Court has left an impression on her because when we walked into the courtroom, she said "Oh Mama's People Court!"  I think we may have found Judge Milian's successor:

  

After court, we celebrated with 7-11 Slurpees.

Beautiful Transformation

Today Ladybug got her prosthetic eye!  She is very comfortable with it and she calls it her “pretty eye”.  Her eyelid muscles need to strengthen because she still squints with her right eye.  Her medical diagnosis is "nanophthalmos of right side"/congenitally small eyeball, and the prosthetic is like a shell that fits over her existing eye.  She wears it all day and while she sleeps so that the orbit bones around the eye will form to the correct size, that way when she is an adult she will not have a facial deformity.  I can’t imagine the amount of discrimination she would have encountered if she remained in China with a facial deformity.  

Ladybug starts school next week.  I met with her teachers and felt very encouraged.  They are committed to providing her with a lot of help now so that she doesn’t get left behind and struggle later on.  I talked to the teachers about Ladybug going to strangers for hugs and attention.  They already have a plan in place to set firm boundaries for her.  For example, if she wants a hug then she needs to ask permission first by raising her hand and saying “Teacher can I give you a hug?”.  We’re hopeful for Ladybug’s future.  She’s lookin’ good and feelin’ fine:)

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth.  And his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?‘ Jesus answered ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’ (John 9:1-3)

Education

On Thursday, Ladybug met with a speech pathologist, counselor, and occupational therapist to determine her eligibility for preschool special education services through our school district. They confirmed what I had observed, as Ladybug scored at the level of an 18month-2 year old. Similar to Ladybug’s emotional regression, she will need to learn some basic skills, like taking turns, before she can advance to more age appropriate concepts. The school professionals are optimistic about her potential. She’ll start preschool in about 3 weeks.

One specific part of the testing stood out to me. When the occupational therapist tested Ladybug’s gross motor skills, Ladybug became hyper and stopped following instructions, which is a sign that she has sensory processing issues.  A couple times I had to get on Ladybug’s level and help her calm down in order to continue the testing.  When the occupational therapist was finished, Ladybug went to her and held onto her leg. It’s been awhile since she has physically clung to a stranger, but I just grabbed Ladybug’s hand and pulled her towards me, which caused her to melt down - thus starting my explanation to the therapists that Ladybug is still learning who Mommy is and that it’s not okay for her to go to strangers for physical affection.

The testing was emotional for me to observe, and I felt like crying when I had to explain her behavior. There is a part of me that is angry because she was not born like this, her behavior and delays are the result of 3.5 years of neglect. There is another part of me that is so proud of her too, as she has already learned a lot in the past three months. It’s been a learning process to parent Ladybug and we’re seeking the Lord to help us envision her success and help her to see it too.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 27:11)

Orphanage Memories

I started working on Ladybug’s scrapbook, doing my best to provide as much information about her life in China as possible.  I showed Ladybug the orphanage photos for the first time as I was curious to see her reaction.  She made a little gasp when I showed her the first photo, which was the playground, and then she showed no emotional reaction or signs of recognition.  In the photos of me with her nannies she would say “mama” and point to me.  The orphanage staff gave us photos of Ladybug at the orphanage, and when she saw those she pointed to herself and said “cute”.  I have only found one little boy who she recognized and called by name when she saw his photo on his family’s blog.  While we were in China we met two children who knew her, but she barely acknowledged them.  I don’t really understand what to make of her reactions - or lack there of.  Sometimes it feels like I’m living with this tiny little stranger and it’s difficult to connect with her.  Hopefully as her language improves and she trusts us more then she will begin share her memories with us.